


tricky to love

by rudelove



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: 5 + 1, Alternate Universe - College/University, Blowjobs, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-08-17 03:11:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8128096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudelove/pseuds/rudelove
Summary: Gunhee is having a lot of trouble telling Hyungwon how he feels.





	

**Author's Note:**

> **or** ; five times Gunhee tries to tell Hyungwon he loves him and the one time Hyungwon beats him to it.

Lazy Sunday mornings with Hyungwon’s lips pressed to his own and the sun making Hyungwon’s hair shine like a halo around his head, it’s hard to keep the words in.

“Good morning,” Hyungwon says with a smile that’s so rare, Gunhee wishes he had his phone with him so he could document it forever.

 _I love you_ , Gunhee wants to say, because it’s true. But it’s too early and embarrassing and it would freak Hyungwon out completely, like that one time Gunhee tried to hold his hand in public and Hyungwon looked like he was about to puke and throw himself under a car at the same time.

He swallows hard, musters a smile he hopes doesn’t look too fake. “Morning,” he says instead and buries his face against Hyungwon’s neck.

And with his mouth pressed over Hyungwon’s pulse point and the warmth of Hyungwon’s body lulling him back to sleep, it’s easy to keep how he feels all to himself.

 

—

 

Gunhee is teetering the line between tipsy and drunk when he picks up the phone to call Hyungwon.

It’s midterm season, so Hyungwon, being the self–proclaimed mature responsible adult in their not-a-relationship, decided to put a ban on all communications until both of them were finished with their academic responsibilities.

No calls, no texts, no five minute cigarette breaks in between classes, and most certainly no late night snapchats of Gunhee’s junk, asking him if he’s up and _wanna hang :P_.

“We never get any work done when we study together. I can’t concentrate when you keep pawing at my clothes all the time,” Hyungwon had huffed dramatically, taking a stand.

When he was agreeing to it at the time, Gunhee didn’t think it would only take him three pathetic days before giving in and dialing the number he knows by heart.

It’s a little embarrassing, but the cheap beer Jooheon bought earlier makes dealing with it more bearable, and he forgets what he was about to say by the time the line is connected and the sound of Hyungwon’s voicemail message chirps to life.

_Hi, this is Hyungwon, you know what to do._

“I know you said you would block my number _again_ if I called — and god, I can practically hear you rolling your eyes right now — but it’s late and I’m bored, and I think I failed today’s exam, so I think I have the right to drunk dial you and complain about it,” Gunhee ends with a loud sigh, scratching at the label on his beer bottle with his nail.

“I kinda miss you, I think? I don’t know. It’s weird not seeing you every day.” He pauses again to bite on his lower lip, trying to make sense of the words that are all messed up in his head. He’s about to get cut off and he hurries before he has to make another call.

“Anyway. Uh. Sorry for calling. I —” _I love you_ ready on the tip of his tongue, but he stops himself in time. “Let me know when you’ve unblocked me. Good night.”

 

—

 

Out of all the worst possible times to tell someone you love them, doing it while said someone is in the middle of giving you a blowjob must be in the top five.

“Hyungwon, _fuck_ —” Gunhee moans, throwing his head back against the wet tiles.

Hyungwon looks up at him and his mouth is all pink and wet, his eyes so wide and beautiful that Gunhee can practically feel the words climb up the back of his throat, one by one.

“I’m so...” He says, biting hard on his lower lip in an attempt to shut himself up. “Hyungwon, I—”

Hyungwon quirks an eyebrow in question, humming a little around Gunhee’s cock. He pulls out and gets up on his feet like he always does when Gunhee is close, hand steady and tight around Gunhee’s cock as he jerks him off.

And then Gunhee is coming and his brain sort of short circuits after that, spilling into Hyungwon’s hand and down his knuckles, some of it ending up on Hyungwon’s stomach.

Luckily, he forgets all about it by the time they’re out of the shower.

 

—

 

It’s around the time of their six months not-an-anniversary when Gunhee realizes it for the first time.

It’s shocking, because what started off as random drunken hookups at parties because the sex was amazing and they were both bad at stopping themselves from making bad decisions, turned into this... _thing_. It was casual and for the better part, simple, but now Gunhee thinks about Hyungwon and he can’t help but smile like an idiot.

He’s torn between holding Hyungwon’s hand and playing with his hair while they’re watching TV on the couch and sucking him dry, and it’s confusing even though he _knows_ he’s in love — the head over heels, heart beating faster, wanting to write songs about it kind of love.

Gunhee’s first instinct is to throw up, which he imagines is also what Hyungwon’s reaction to Gunhee’s confession would be like, because at the end of the day, their stubbornness and huge egos are what makes it impossible for them to just be together like any other normal couple.

But they aren’t a couple. Far from normal, too.

It takes him a week to decide whether or not he should do something about it. They’re not a couple nor friends with benefits, because Gunhee wouldn’t necessarily call them friends, either.

Celebrating the past six months would be a bit of a reach, but the fact that this has been going on for about five and a half months longer than he’d initially thought it would is huge. It deserves to be celebrated in some way.

It takes him one more week to decide what to do about it.

In the end, he decides that instead of taking Hyungwon out on a typical date or doing anything special to commemorate the day, he should call Hyungwon over to his place and order the good pizza from that place off campus Gunhee knows Hyungwon likes a lot. He even cleans up his place a little, kicks Jooheon out with the promise of doing his laundry for a month, and buys alcohol that doesn’t come in a can or a packaging of six.

“It looks so fancy,” Jooheon says with a smug looking smile as Gunhee is pushing him out of the door. “He’s gonna know you’re up to something.”

Gunhee takes a look around, realizing immediately that Jooheon is right. The place looks way too clean. Hyungwon will be able to tell something is going on before even entering.

He ends up sticking a t-shirt in between the couch cushions and leaving a pair of socks (washed, because he doesn’t want the place to _actually_ smell like feet during their meal; he’s classier than that) near the TV. He even changes out of the dress shirt his mother bought him for his last birthday and puts on a snapback to appear more casual.

“What’s all this?” Hyungwon asks as he’s toeing his shoes off and placing them next to Gunhee’s by the door.

“What is all what?” Gunhee answers with a nervous little laugh.

“The place looks different.” Hyungwon narrows eyes, stretching his neck as he looks around. Fuck. Gunhee’s been caught, just like Jooheon had predicted. “It’s... clean and doesn’t smell like jizz and bad life decisions. And you got real booze. That’s nice.”

“Uh, thanks, I guess?” Gunhee scratches at his elbow, making a beeline for the couch before Hyungwon could notice the sudden redness making his cheeks all blotchy. “Jooheon’s parents are supposed to come by tomorrow, or something.” Gunhee flaps his arms around dismissively, lying through his damn teeth. He’ll make sure to text Jooheon about it the second Hyungwon goes to use the bathroom, just in case. “Are you hungry?”

“Huh.” is all Hyungwon says once he sees the pizza box perched in the middle of the table and the bottle of wine next to it. He nods appreciatively, looking very impressed by Gunhee’s efforts, and the fact that Hyungwon is still here makes it a little easier for Gunhee to breathe. “Yeah, dude, I’m starving.”

 

 

“I’m gonna tell you something, but I don’t want you to get too obnoxiously annoying about it,” Hyungwon says once he’s a little drunk, enough to say things he usually wouldn’t when sober.

Gunhee licks at his chapped lips to wet them, nodding slowly. “Okay.” he nods, anxiousness making his stomach flip upside-down.

“Did you know It’s been six months?” Hyungwon gives Gunhee an expectant look. His cheeks are a little pink, because drunk or not, this is probably still really embarrassing for him. When Gunhee doesn’t answer: “Since we first — you know.”

“Oh.” Gunhee says eloquently. “Has it really been that long?”

“Yeah.” Hyungwon laughs a little, like he can’t really believe it even as he’s saying it out loud. Gunhee still can’t believe it either. “It’s been surprisingly nice. Like. _Really_ nice.”

He runs his hands up Gunhee’s stomach for emphasis and stops when he reaches his chest so he could fist his hands around the fabric of his shirt. He’s got a dangerous smile on his face as he kisses Gunhee, letting go of his shirt so he could run his fingers through Gunhee’s hair and tugs on it in that way that makes Gunhee see stars.

Gunhee is a little taken aback, torn between rubbing this into Hyungwon’s face and telling him how he feels, but neither option seems very appealing at the moment. While teasing Hyungwon relentlessly would be fun, this is probably the closest thing to hearing an actual confession from Hyungwon he’s ever going to get.

They could be on their death beds, married for, like, fifty years, and Hyungwon would be all, “Hey man, I think I kinda like you. You’re not that bad.”

The other option, though, is to do just that, tell Hyungwon that he loves him and just get it over with. Rip off the band-aid, or whatever, even though it’s going to end with Hyungwon jumping out of the window in his haste to leave. He’s so close to blurting it out, but Hyungwon just won’t stop kissing him and the words slowly die on the tip of his tongue.

He settles for kissing Hyungwon back. He holds tightly onto Hyungwons hips, doesn’t let him go until his chest feels like it’s going to burst and he can feel the outline of Hyungwon’s dick pressing against his crotch, unmistakably hard.

“You really think so?” He asks in between the open mouthed kisses he presses along the curve of Hyungwon’s jaw. He pulls Hyungwon in, lifts his hips up just so he could hear the gasp Hyungwon tries very hard to suppress.

Hyungwon grinds his hips down against Gunhee’s in an obscene way that may or may not make Gunhee’s dick go half-hard embarrassingly fast. “Don’t ruin the moment by talking, alright?” Hyungwon says breathlessly, but the tone is light, playful. “Take off your shirt.”

And who is Gunhee to tell him no, really?

 

—

 

He almost says it over text.

The words are typed out and they seem to make no sense after he's been staring at them for ten minutes straight.

He erases it slowly, one letter at a time before setting his phone down because it’s too soon and he’s too big of a coward to face the consequences.

 

—

 

Hyungwon is the first one to say it.

They’re not drunk or high or anything of the sort. Completely sober, making out on Hyungwon’s bed when Hyungwon blurts it out, tells Gunhee that he’s in love with him.

“You—You love me?” Gunhee asks dumbly. Processing this information is gonna take a while.

Hyungwon just nods and he has this look on his face, nose scrunched up like he’s in pain or something. Constipated, maybe. Like he wants to be anywhere else than here right now, that’s for sure.

This is a dream. No, this must be Gunhee’s subconscious dropping hints that he should tell Hyungwon how he feels and deal with the inevitable heartbreak sooner than later.

Still, Gunhee pinches at Hyungwon’s arm to make sure, who yelps loud enough to earn them a bang on the wall from the next door neighbors.

“What the fuck was that for?” Hyungwon demands hysterically, eyes wide with disbelief.

“To see if I’m dreaming.” Gunhee says, a little dazed. There’s no way this is real.

“You are supposed to pinch _yourself_ , you asshole, not others.” Hyungwon hisses through his teeth as he returns the favor. Gunhee barely registers the pain, but it’s probably because Hyungwon is as strong as a toddler, more or less.

“You… love me?” gunhee points at himself, and yeah, okay, it’s sort of starting to sink in now.

Hyungwon groans loudly, rubbing at his face after successfully managing to roll his eyes into a different dimension. “Oh my god, this was a mistake.”

“You love me.” Gunhee mutters, sounding like a broken record. The corners of his mouth are starting to twitch, a smile quickly forming on his face. _Hyungwon loves him_. Holy fucking shit.

“Yeah, I do. So what?” Hyungwon says exasperatedly. “Ugh, forget it. I’m leaving. Call me when you decide to stop being such a jerk.”

And oh, this is Hyungwon being nervous and feeling insecure and probably afraid because he practically opened up his heart to Gunhee and he still hasn’t said anything about it yet.

Hyungwon somehow manages to overpower Gunhee and push him off of his lap so he could leave, and Gunhee almost twists his ankle in his hurry to catch up with Hyungwon.

“This is your place, where are you going?” He’s laughing, too giddy to stop himself as he pulls Hyungwon by the back of his shirt and says, “you need to stop being so dramatic.” When Hyungwon turns around to glare at him, mouth open like he’s about to tell him to fuck off, Gunhee grins, says, “I love you too, asshole.”

Hyungwon stops then, shoulders square and back straight. “You do?”

Gunhee chuckles lightly, rolls his eyes playfully. He gets up on his tiptoes and kisses Hyungwon who doesn’t respond to it right away. His lips are still a little pursed and parted open when Gunhee pulls back, looking equal parts dumb and adorable.

“Yeah. I kinda really do even though you're a bitch.”

“Okay, that’s cool.” Hyungwon says, looking very flustered. Gunhee can’t help but kiss him again.

“Does this make you my boyfriend?” Gunhee asks suddenly, putting his hands on Hyungwon’s shoulders and pushing him back until he’s at arm's-length.

Hyungwon looks like he’s about to try running off again. His cheeks turn pink, hands fidgeting by his sides. “Whatever,” he grumbles, looking down at his feet. He hooks a finger through one of the belt loops on Gunhee’s jeans and tugs on it in an attempt to distract him. “But I will break up with you if you start being all unnecessarily gross about it.”

Predictable, but at this point Gunhee is an expert at dealing with Hyungwon's empty threats.

"Fair enough."

 

**Author's Note:**

> trash writing trash y'all'll but make this pairing a thing or at least hold my hand as i cry thank ;;


End file.
